We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
