My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
