eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
