See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
