dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
