we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
