I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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