Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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