even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
