AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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