i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
