I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
