I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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