I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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