thus making me awesome and them whores
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
