I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
