Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
