I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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