We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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