Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
now i know why i became what i already was.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
