Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize