i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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