it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think my fart just growled at me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
