I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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