went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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