Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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