so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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