Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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