Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
