wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
