How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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