i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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