PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
