oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
