dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
