fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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