Got a toothbrush?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
