To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
whose parrot is this?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
