Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
