ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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