you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
