I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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