brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
