Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
