soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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