there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
ttyl tear gas
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
