omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
