You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
