just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
