yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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