3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
youre lurking in front of me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize