I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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