i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
