fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
