It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
