I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
