she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
