I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
