If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
