my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
