Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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