And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize