the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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