He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
