I'm really into asian looking animals
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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