she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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