There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
