she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
