Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
